It’s been a long time that I wrote something, the reason being nothing great is happening in my life for the past few months. Nor did I meet any interesting person, who would give an inspiration to write. Its almost 5 months now, the monotonous routine has been killing me. Wake up in the morning, dress-up and travel by train then by bus to reach office, to find that there is no work in my plate.
Today I wasn’t feeling like coming to office, so I lazed in the bed till 8.30, until my mom scolded me asking what are your plans for the day? My mom wasn’t keeping well for the past few days, so I have made it a point that I will never carry my frustration at work place to home, which would add tension to mom. So without telling her anything I got out of the bed. I had to pass time, so I browsed through the newspaper, from which I came to know that there would be water cut in Mumbai for 2 days. When I told this to my mom, she got worried. But obvious, with guests at home it would be difficult for her to manage the household without water. I was happy that I got a reason to stay back at home for some more time :-). I decided to help my mom with the household.
Finally at 10:30 AM, I started for work. The climate here is terrible. Mumbai is getting hotter day by day. God knows where its gonna end!
The train wasn’t much crowded, I was just about to board the train that a lady came in between and she pushed me. I fell down badly on my knees and tumbled down flat on to the platform. Some how I managed to stand up, a couple of fellow passengers helped me. Right at that moment, I didn’t bother about any anything and got into the train. To my surprise, that lady was there, a typical mallu aunty in her late 50s standing right in front of me. My hands and knees were paining badly and I was all in dust. And that shameless woman didn’t even bother to look at me or say a sorry.
Actually speaking, I am very particular about cleanliness; though I am not very keen about make-up and cosmetics, always make sure that am neatly dressed. My filthy dress added to my irritation. Blame my temperament, whenever I am angry I make it a point that the other person know that I am angry on him/ her.
Again gave a bad stare to that lady!!! Thought for a moment… considering her age factor I should be cautious while talking to her. But it’s me, had to say something. Controlling my temper; in the softest tone I could, I asked her, “Aunty you should have shown the minimum courtesy to look back, at least for the sake of humanity”. She didn’t like it, gave a bad look and said, “Who has the time.”
This is not the way one should apologize; I felt bad all the more. But there was no point in extending the argument, with that senseless sick woman.
After reaching office, I found that my knee was swollen and there were scrapes all over my hands. My colleagues got some painkiller tablets and ointment for the first-aid. Sortta relieved now, but decided to leave for home early.
This whole incident reminded me of a conversation with a good old friend. He never liked Mumbai, always keep telling me that Mumbai is not a good place. All of them are busy with their never-ending race; never have time for friends and family, to which I always opposed. Though born in Kerala, I am bought up in Mumbai, so very much a Mumbai girl. I love this place although over-crowded and not so clean. Love the people and their attitude here. So I try giving him a list examples and my experience to prove the worth my heaven…Mumbai. He always countered saying, its because I had always someone to support and protect me like parents, friends etc due to which I am unaware of the real world.
But today, for a moment I changed my opinion and looked at Mumbai through my friend’s eye. These are few lines from the movie Lage Raho Munnabhai which I watched quiet recently. It’s so true!!! I could relate to it so well.
" Shaher ki es daud me daud ke karna kya hai?
Jab yehi jeena hai dosto to phir marna kya hai?"
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
CHASING DREAMS
Well… these days people keep on asking me, why do you sound so low and why so depressed? At times, I wonder is my condition really piteous!
May be there is some fault in my way of expressing emotions . I am not depressed, but fed up of my present sluggish life. It’s my rage that makes me look so disturbed. Even after striving hard, things are dormant.
Feels like life is going nowhere. When will God notice my struggle and answer my prayers. Everyday I pray to God, for something good to happen. But each day ends with a disappointment. At least to add a zing in His child’s life He should do some miracles :))
Hmm…most likely He is also fed up of his routine… answering prayers, miracles...etc etc.
But if we had no faith in the ultimate God, we would loose hope. My Grandma always says, “Some day some how whatever you prayed for will come true. It may not be the exact package you wanted, but it’ll be what God thinks is the best for you”. But don’t you feel there is something missing in my Grandma’s words.Exactly... DEADLINES!!! There should be a deadline before which God should answer the prayer. I feel that whatever happen should happen at the right time in your life, otherwise it loses its charm.
Isn’t this crazy, every time I pray and ask something to God, I say this is the last wish and I wont ask any more. But is that true????Sometimes back I wished I could become a doctor. I worked towards it and also prayed, prayed and prayed; but I didn’t. Instead became a software engineer. Then I thought, might be my grandma is right. Probably God thinks this is the best. But till date I don’t admit:(
Then I prayed for a job and after getting a job, am I really satisfied?? What is that I am craving for? What is going to satisfy me?
Oh God! This is an endless list. But still I feel it’s my right to dream and ask for more to God.
Don’t you feel that dreams are necessary to life? To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.Now my latest dream is an MBA from one of the best B-Schools. Too big a dream:)) But not impossible, ofcourse! Let us see if God grants my wish, or is there anything else he thinks is best for me.
But I will continue to chase my dreams. I wish my God were there with me every moment.
So here's the song for me :)
Free is all you gotta be
dream dreams no one else can see
sometimes ya wanna run away
but ya never know what might be comin' round your way
ya ya ya
On a day like today
the whole world could change
the sun's gonna shineshine thru the rain
on a day like today
ya never wanna see the sun go down
ya never wanna see the sun go down
Somewhere - there's a place for you
I know that you believe it too
sometimes if you wanna get away
all ya gotta know is what we got is here to stay
all the way
May be there is some fault in my way of expressing emotions . I am not depressed, but fed up of my present sluggish life. It’s my rage that makes me look so disturbed. Even after striving hard, things are dormant.
Feels like life is going nowhere. When will God notice my struggle and answer my prayers. Everyday I pray to God, for something good to happen. But each day ends with a disappointment. At least to add a zing in His child’s life He should do some miracles :))
Hmm…most likely He is also fed up of his routine… answering prayers, miracles...etc etc.
But if we had no faith in the ultimate God, we would loose hope. My Grandma always says, “Some day some how whatever you prayed for will come true. It may not be the exact package you wanted, but it’ll be what God thinks is the best for you”. But don’t you feel there is something missing in my Grandma’s words.Exactly... DEADLINES!!! There should be a deadline before which God should answer the prayer. I feel that whatever happen should happen at the right time in your life, otherwise it loses its charm.
Isn’t this crazy, every time I pray and ask something to God, I say this is the last wish and I wont ask any more. But is that true????Sometimes back I wished I could become a doctor. I worked towards it and also prayed, prayed and prayed; but I didn’t. Instead became a software engineer. Then I thought, might be my grandma is right. Probably God thinks this is the best. But till date I don’t admit:(
Then I prayed for a job and after getting a job, am I really satisfied?? What is that I am craving for? What is going to satisfy me?
Oh God! This is an endless list. But still I feel it’s my right to dream and ask for more to God.
Don’t you feel that dreams are necessary to life? To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.Now my latest dream is an MBA from one of the best B-Schools. Too big a dream:)) But not impossible, ofcourse! Let us see if God grants my wish, or is there anything else he thinks is best for me.
But I will continue to chase my dreams. I wish my God were there with me every moment.
So here's the song for me :)
Free is all you gotta be
dream dreams no one else can see
sometimes ya wanna run away
but ya never know what might be comin' round your way
ya ya ya
On a day like today
the whole world could change
the sun's gonna shineshine thru the rain
on a day like today
ya never wanna see the sun go down
ya never wanna see the sun go down
Somewhere - there's a place for you
I know that you believe it too
sometimes if you wanna get away
all ya gotta know is what we got is here to stay
all the way
Love and Marriage
I had a very different opinion about love and marriage. I had decided in my mind that I would never fall in love. Well, I had a different perception on love and marriages, a very conservative mindset. I always considered love marriage as taboo for me… just for me… Rather it was instilled in to me right from my childhood by my parents. So I had decided that I would never fall in love with anybody. I had nothing against people who go for love marriage. According to me “Let not Love be the basis for getting married. Rather allow love to be the result of a good marriage. Focus on other ingredients in the relationship and true love will seep in sooner than you think.”
A marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and it’s precisely this lifetime that needs to be the focus. It is more of indulging in activities that help us bond together or act more like a catalyst to help each other succeed, where two people share a common life purpose.
Its more of knowing what each one of us want out of life and having known that agree to strengthen the bond that exist between the two, with immense trust and respect for each other.
But now analyzing my conviction, can this be achieved by arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is altogether a gamble. Here you know nothing about the trait of the person, with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life. Whereas in love marriage there is at least 60% knowledge about the person as far as the character goes, until and unless you have fallen for a total fraud. And I am sure they must be fools. Hmm… well then why not go for the second option?
Since I have given it a thought, I have to prioritize the quality that I am looking forward in that someone special. The first thing that attracts any one is looks. Since I myself having very average looks, I should not expect that he should be damn handsome, but surely lovable. I would give more preference to smartness and intelligence. He should be a good friend to me, who understands me and knows my virtues and weakness and vice versa. This is not to avoid the differences between us, but to know where one should stop when the other looses temper. He should have a dignified persona.
Well I don’t think I am asking for too much. So I have the right to ask more. As I mentioned earlier, this is a relation, which should sustain lifelong. Hence the role of family is very important. I would like to be more of a daughter than a daughter-in-law. This would help each other to forgive simple mistakes that we commit.
I thought of rewinding all the faces I know, who at some time had shown interest in me. All I could find in most of them were that typical male chauvinism. Betrayal and male chauvinism are the two traits that I cannot withstand. Let me give an example; I remember a person in my college who flirts with four girls at the same time. As per him it’s good to have options… disgusting person! I hate him. It’s a total time-pass for him, but he is ignoring the fact that he is playing with emotions.
These incidents around me keep on confusing me, due to which I am unable to readily trust anyone. My parents’ concerns are quite understandable. I know it’s high time for a girl to get married, but I am still not ready for that. Probably it’s because I have never given a thought on marriage. But whenever I get married, it should a love marriage rather than an arranged one. At times I wonder during these long 25 years, I should have at least met one person with whom I would like to be spend rest of my life. As one of my best buddies said “It’s a negotiation”. In pure business terms let’s see when the bid happens and both party agree and finally ratification in front of the 'Holy Fire'.
A marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and it’s precisely this lifetime that needs to be the focus. It is more of indulging in activities that help us bond together or act more like a catalyst to help each other succeed, where two people share a common life purpose.
Its more of knowing what each one of us want out of life and having known that agree to strengthen the bond that exist between the two, with immense trust and respect for each other.
But now analyzing my conviction, can this be achieved by arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is altogether a gamble. Here you know nothing about the trait of the person, with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life. Whereas in love marriage there is at least 60% knowledge about the person as far as the character goes, until and unless you have fallen for a total fraud. And I am sure they must be fools. Hmm… well then why not go for the second option?
Since I have given it a thought, I have to prioritize the quality that I am looking forward in that someone special. The first thing that attracts any one is looks. Since I myself having very average looks, I should not expect that he should be damn handsome, but surely lovable. I would give more preference to smartness and intelligence. He should be a good friend to me, who understands me and knows my virtues and weakness and vice versa. This is not to avoid the differences between us, but to know where one should stop when the other looses temper. He should have a dignified persona.
Well I don’t think I am asking for too much. So I have the right to ask more. As I mentioned earlier, this is a relation, which should sustain lifelong. Hence the role of family is very important. I would like to be more of a daughter than a daughter-in-law. This would help each other to forgive simple mistakes that we commit.
I thought of rewinding all the faces I know, who at some time had shown interest in me. All I could find in most of them were that typical male chauvinism. Betrayal and male chauvinism are the two traits that I cannot withstand. Let me give an example; I remember a person in my college who flirts with four girls at the same time. As per him it’s good to have options… disgusting person! I hate him. It’s a total time-pass for him, but he is ignoring the fact that he is playing with emotions.
These incidents around me keep on confusing me, due to which I am unable to readily trust anyone. My parents’ concerns are quite understandable. I know it’s high time for a girl to get married, but I am still not ready for that. Probably it’s because I have never given a thought on marriage. But whenever I get married, it should a love marriage rather than an arranged one. At times I wonder during these long 25 years, I should have at least met one person with whom I would like to be spend rest of my life. As one of my best buddies said “It’s a negotiation”. In pure business terms let’s see when the bid happens and both party agree and finally ratification in front of the 'Holy Fire'.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)